So this is the first of what I hope to be many, many posts. Some interesting, funny, introspective, and at times mundane and boring. This happens to be a retrospective post. My Mother, "Max" passed away on 2-9-2010. I celebrated my 44th birthday 9-18-2010. My birthdate marked the "first" of " The Firsts". I have to admit, I was extremely, surprisingly so, down. I now see that I had been glum for a couple days prior to my bday, but chalked it up to the ole "curse" coming on. As much as I enjoy celebrating my birthday (this comes from my inner Princess), I found it hard to get excited about it at all. I thoroughly enjoyed my bday dinner, planned by my VERY best friend Jennifer. I had several offers to go out and "Do" something, but by 10:30pm I was in bed and crying myself to sleep...cause damnit...my Mommy was NOT there to celebrate with and that was just NOT ok. I realize that this is only the beginning of what appears to be a rough "thing" to go through as each milestone approaches, and necessary that I survive it. This will most definitely be discussed in my upcoming therapist appt.
On a good note; I have decided to seriously consider getting back into horses after over 15 yrs. Owning horses was truly a highlight in my life. I gave it up due to injury and cost. At the time I was a young, newly married woman who, wanting to please my asshole of a husband, hung it all up. I don't think this is just a whim, although the idea literally came to me as an "Oprah Light Bulb Moment". The thought of just grooming horses(I have a friend who has several to practice grooming/groundwork and such), has got my blood heating up...it has given me a plan, a goal. It is a somewhat short to long term plan and ultimate goal of ownership. It has been a long road to recovery from my Prize fight with Leukemia (the prize being my life)! I am still quite out of shape, and physically weak. I have discussed my plan with a few women who own horses, whom I value their opinions, and they agree, that my slow boat to the arena is a good one. I don't want to get as ambitious as to start showing again. I want to "get back to basics" on a sound horse, with a sound temperment and enjoy feeling the horse under me.
As this is a fledgling blog, there will be a separate post re; my Leukemia and such. It is important to ME, for YOU to understand what I have been through. I'm not just a blog, I am a person.
I hope all that read have a wonderful week! Peace out :0)
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